I have been absent lately as I have been in a bout of depression and grief and loss.
Fuck February is my March motto.
3 deaths and depression. Isolation and anxiety. Mental and emotional whiplash. I didn’t do much in February. March is a new month. I have felt everything lately and nothing. I didn’t know what to do or where to be in life but I am still here and I keep going. I don’t always know how but I am.
I am sitting here and I had my cards read again. She did them last night and believes that everything has timing. Everything has purpose and meaning. I am still processing it all.
Therapy has been getting tough. I can’t speak to much on it right now because it is just for me. I am in a spot where I need to be working on me and not fixing everyone else. I need to be working on myself and getting better for myself and trying to heal.
I have been taking pictures. Nothing major. I have been writing and I have been trying to figure out life one step at a time. I am trying to understand where I am in life, who I am in life and what to do next. I also know that I don’t need to figure it out right now. Let things come to me but what I give out can be what I receive. It will all take time.
Let things just happen. Don’t force situations. I can only try.
I feel like this was a pointless post but I just needed to write a little.
Note to self. Notes to you. Notes for us all. Forget it really because do we listen or do we do what we want?
Dont give up they say but when you are just exhausted how do you keep going? That’s what I do though. I want to give up so many times but I dont. I get up and start again. Try. Try to be in a better place. Try to keep going. I do.
I’m ready to be out of this house. I’m ready to start decluttering and packing. I’m ready to do this. We do have a few financial things to straighten up but other than that I think we are both ready. We are ready for our forever place and I am ready to try and find my safe place again. Not just another temporary home. I’m tired of feeling that. I guess I’m tired of a lot right now.
The thoughts of lost souls. An almost empty beach. All there for the same reason in the winter. All there to find something. Do you go to an almost empty to beach to find the answers?